


Team Building

by EllieRose101



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Episode Fix-it, F/M, Season/Series 07
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2020-07-11 12:24:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19928038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EllieRose101/pseuds/EllieRose101
Summary: As Buffy faces the fight of her life, she takes some time to focus on who’s by her side.





	1. Spike/Dawn

**Author's Note:**

> This story goes off canon from the end of ‘Lies My Parents Told Me.’

Buffy had known the relationships around her had been crumbling for a long time. There had been plenty of shakiness in the past, especially while she was in college, but that was nothing compared to what came after. In truth, her friendships had never really recovered from her death and resurrection and then had been further fragmented by Willow’s turn to the dark side. This latest spat with Giles was just the icing on the cake.

As Spike had once pointed out, her friends and family were her strength. Because of that and, you know, the fact that she missed feeling close to people, Buffy knew had to rebuild her connections, she just wasn’t sure if she could. Maybe this time, they’d all gone too far. It might be a while before she got over this most recent betrayal, and it was tempting to just put building bridges off until the big battle was done, but Buffy knew deep down that was a mistake; one she’d engaged in too many times already.

God forbid she left anything unresolved lest she die again and get reincarnated by the Powers just to sort it out. _Would be just my luck._

A knock at her bedroom door pulled her from her thoughts. Buffy considered telling the knocker to knock off, but the tingles at the back of her neck said it wasn’t her one-time mentor come back for round two.

“Come in, Spike.”

He did, closing the door quietly behind him only to stand there, shifting from foot to foot.

“You okay?”

“No,” said Spike. “You?”

“No.” She sighed and scooched over. “Wanna come sit?”

He hesitated and she assured him, “I’m not scared of you.”

“Maybe you should be.”

Buffy rolled her eyes. “Not you as well. Sit.” He still didn’t move, so she added, “Please,” which finally got him moving.

The mattress shifted a little under his weight and it made the ache in Buffy’s chest ease somewhat, though she wasn’t sure why. _It’s just nice to be near him again, I guess._

“What’s up?”

He shrugged but she gave him a look, making clear he wasn’t getting off that easily.

“Alright, so maybe _I’m_ the scaredy cat, here because I know no-one’s gonna off me while I’m with you.”

She smirked. “You’re feeling very sure of yourself, Mr. Scaredy.”

He scoffed. “I think we both know if you wanted me dead, I’d be dust on the wind well before now. Plus, you said – what was it – you’re not ready for me to not be here? Gotta be careful, luv. Statements like that can give a bloke hope.”

Buffy swallowed but didn’t say anything.

He sighed. “I probably shouldn’t have said that. Not pushing, here.”

“I get it, Spike. It’s okay.”

“Is it?” he questioned, giving her one of those penetrating gazes he was so good at.

“You and me? Yeah, we’re good. Not remotely fixed, but we get by.” It wasn’t the best way to describe how or what they were, and it wasn’t what she wanted to say, but it was close enough. Anything else would make it even more less-fixed. _God, that thought gave me a headache._

Silence stretched for a little bit and Buffy was scared that if she didn’t fill it, Spike would get up and leave again, so she forced herself to keep talking.

“The truth is I am scared. I think I’d be dumb not to be. There’s stuff with Giles, my friends, the First, of course…” she bit her lip and added, “Us,” onto the end of the list, then barreled on past that point in case Spike tried to reply. “I mean, everything is just so messed up. We’re all fighting and it’s no good. We need to be together on this. I just want one thing to be simple.”

“An’ which thing is that?” Spike asked tentatively.

Buffy considered her list of woes carefully but was too tired to do the deliberation justice. The tiredness was making her weak. Or, at least, that’s what she told herself. “Would I be a horrible person if I asked you to stay the night?” She made a sweeping motion with her hand to indicate the room at large. “Here?”

Spike hesitated some more, glancing between the floor and the chair by her vanity. He’d gotten good at hesitating and Buffy was worried it was going to get him killed.

For now, she took some of the uncertainty out of the situation. “Will you just hold me?”

He didn’t say anything, but the look Spike got on his face did all kinds of things to Buffy’s insides. One more hesitation and she’d have started doubting her own offer, but when he lay back on the covers and she curled into his arm, it was all she could do not to cry at the ease of it all.

Maybe I do get to have one simple thing, after all. _Yay me._

Sleep was blissful, despite being fully clothed, but all too soon Spike was nudging Buffy awake. She groaned a little but opened her eyes, surprised to discover it was still dark.

“What’s wrong?”

Beside her, Spike was as still as she’d ever seen him. She’d have thought she’d imagined his nudges or that he’d accidentally moved in his sleep, except for the fact that he wasn’t sleeping. She could just about make out his eyes in the half-light. It took her a minute, but she finally figured he was listening to something. She strained her ears but couldn’t pick up anything. _Please don’t let the voices be back._

“It’s Dawn,” he said, an eon later. “She’s crying. Downstairs, somewhere.” He paused to listen some more, moving his head ever so slightly to the side before concluding, “Back porch.”

Buffy got up and picked her way quietly down the stairs, hating that she had to leave Spike’s arms and unsure if she’d be able to back into them again without either of them analyzing it to death, but she couldn’t focus on that now. Dawn needed her.

She was right where he’d said she’d be, crying harder than Buffy expected. She rushed over, visually assessing her for wounds.

“Dawn, are you okay? What happened?”

Dawn turned away. It was a while before she calmed down long enough to reply.

“Is your head still sore?” Maybe the basement cot had hit her harder than Buffy realized. She felt bad for brushing the incident off so easily, earlier in the day.

“It’s not that. Or, well, it is but…” she broke off in another sob.

Buffy was at a loss. She went to hug Dawn, who initially leaned in only to push away again a second later.

“You smell like him!” she accused, sudden fire in her still-blurry eyes. “Are you together again?”

Buffy reeled back. “What are you–?”

Dawn took a steadying breath. “I’m not even surprised, I just wish....” she shook her head. “Sorry, forbidden word.”

“Dawn,” said Buffy calmly, despite her racing mind, “Why does the smell of Spike upset you?” It was such a weird question at the end of a long, weird day. She had to wonder if something happened that she didn’t know about, but she just couldn’t picture it.

“Not his smell,” said Dawn, “Just what it means.”

“And what’s that?”

“That you’re with him.”

Buffy hadn’t been ready to open that can of worms in her own head, let alone inspect it with someone else. “You’re gonna have to back up here because, honestly? I’m lost.”

Dawn closed her eyes and seemingly got a hold of herself. “Spike was my friend,” she began. “Or, I thought he was. I trusted him, and when you…” she swallowed. “When you died, he was the only one who really helped. We hung out, and even if we were just crying together, it made things not so bad. Then you came back and I just… It was like I lost him, but you weren’t really yourself, so I didn’t have you either.” The words were flowing freely now. If anything, they were gathering speed. “Obviously I found out later why you were both so busy. Then I heard that he hurt you.”

“We’ve talked about that,” said Buffy.

“Not properly,” said Dawn. “I tried, but you said you didn’t have answers. Which is fine, whatever. I get that it was complicated, but it was for me too, because then Spike went away and I missed him more, except not properly because of what he did. I was mad and I was grieving and any time we did talk, it was about you and him. You never asked how I felt. And tonight, with the cot, Willow patched me up and stuff, but he never even came to check on me. Now you’re all okay again and I’m, what? Not even an afterthought? For months he was the only thing stopping me from jumping off that tower after you, but really he doesn’t even care.” Dawn paused, finally running out of steam. “Mom told me you wouldn’t choose me, and I guess it’s true. You picked Spike.”

“Whoa!” Buffy made a ‘time out’ sign with her hands. “This is a lot. Let’s take this one step at a time.”

“Does it even matter?” asked Dawn, looking more tired than Buffy had ever seen her.

“It does,” said Buffy. “If it didn’t, you wouldn’t be out here.”

Dawn shrugged and Buffy plowed on. “Okay, one, I’m sorry I didn’t consider any of this, and I’m sorry you’ve been carrying it all on your own. I should have… I should have done a lot, okay? I won’t apologize for Spike – he can do that himself – but you have to know that he cares about you. I actually think that’s why he’s been staying out of your way.”

Dawn frowned. “What do you mean?”

“He’s going through some things. A lot, actually, and I think it scares him. I _know_ it does. He doesn’t trust himself to be around you in case he hurts you – case and point with the cot.”

“He trusts himself with you,” said Dawn.

Buffy shook her head. “Not really, but we’re getting there.”

“Does that mean you’re not together?” asked Dawn.

Buffy hesitated. “Honestly? I don’t know what we are. I’m scared to figure it out, but that shouldn’t matter. Even if…” she braced herself just thinking about it. “Even if we did finally figure out what the hell is between us, that wouldn’t change how either of us feel about you. And it won’t change how we treat you. Not again.”

“You say that, but–”

“I mean it, Dawn. We love you.”

A tear ran down Dawn’s cheek and she stopped arguing.

“As for what Mom said…” continued Buffy, feeling heartsick at the thought. “I guess this confirms that it wasn’t really her; just more of the First messing with us.”

“How do you know?” asked Dawn, earnest.

“Because I do choose you. I chose on that tower and every day I stayed alive after. I will _always_ choose you!”

Now Buffy was choked up too. She opened her arms and felt a wave of relief flood through her when Dawn hugged her close.

“Thanks, Buffy,” she said through sniffles. “I’m sorry for being such a mess. I don’t think I even realized how much it all built up until, well, you know.”

“I do,” said Buffy. As draining as the conversation had been, it was also illuminating. She’d been feeling so betrayed by Giles, but had no idea that Dawn had felt the same about her. That was partly down to her, but also the First’s insidious comments. They had gotten deeper than she realized. In the morning, she’d call a meeting to try and clear the air, but for now…

“Spike, could you come out here?”

He appeared at the backdoor within moments looking sheepish. With a final Dawn hug and a kiss to the temple, Buffy left her sister and switched places with him, confident that he’d resolve any lingering doubts.

Buffy was less confident that Spike would find his way back to her when he was done with his heart-to-heart, so was pleasantly surprised when he knocked on her door a half-hour later. She sat up, glad she wouldn’t have to stay lying there worrying.

Spike slipped in the room and, after a questioning look and a nod from Buffy, folded himself around her.

“Niblet’s gone back to bed.”

“Good,” said Buffy. “Thank you.”

He went to reply – probably to say that he didn’t deserve thanks, because it was all his fault in the first place – but Buffy hushed him. “It’s okay, Spike. It’s okay.”


	2. Faith/Giles

Buffy ticked things off her mental checklist for the day: attempt giving a rousing speech to scared teenagers only to succeed in scaring them further, acquire terrifying new priestly enemy, get fired: check, check, check. Make peace with Faith: pending.

It hadn’t been made any easier by seeing her and Spike being all cozy in the basement earlier. _Faith’s been in town only a couple hours and has already honed in on my… whatever it is Spike is to me. No Fair._

They headed out on recon of this Caleb guy’s evil vineyard and Buffy began her delicate dance around the subject at hand.

“So, Willow told me you helped out Angel. How is he?”

“Better,” said Faith, looking around; seemingly disinterested. “Had to do this whole magical mindwalk with him.”

“You were in Angel's mind?”

“Yeah. Very weird. We got close. Saw all sorts of heavy stuff from his past. Tripped me out.”

“Uh-huh.”

“That whole vampire-with-a-soul thing, wacky isn't it? I mean, the  
darkness and the light. I can see it in Spike.”

Buffy winced. The conversation had hit its mark, so why did she suddenly feel not so happy about it?

“You and Spike talked a lot before I got there?”

Faith shrugged. “Some.”

Well, that wasn’t gonna do. If Buffy wanted proper answers, she’d have to properly step outside her comfort zone. “What do you mean you can see it in him? The darkness and light, I mean.”

“I know what you mean, and so do you. Why are you asking me about something you can see for yourself?”

“Oh.” _Busted._ “It’s just, umm… I wanted your take on it. B-because you’re an outsider.” _Yeesh!_ “I mean, you have outside perspective. It’s interesting that you can see something in him when you don’t really know him. Don’t you think it’s interesting?”

Faith stopped walking and looked at her.

Buffy shoved her hands in her pockets. “What?”

“Gotta say, B. Subtlety’s not much of a strong point for ya.”

She sighed. “Okay, so I’m totally lame. But humor me. I really wanna know what you think.”

Faith considered it for a long moment before starting to walk again, slower than before. “Well, he’s a hottie. That’s for sure. Looks like he could go a few rounds.”

“Faith.”

She laughed and held up her hands. “Okay, okay.” She took another second, sobering. “I think he’s got layers. Hidden depths, you know? Seems real into you as well.”

Buffy felt a blush tinge her cheeks. Spike liking her was of course way old news, but it was still nice to hear, especially from that outside perspective. Sometimes Buffy wondered if his feelings were still as strong, but if Faith could pick up on them without him saying anything…

 _Wait._ “Did he, um, say anything?”

“About you two getting all sweaty?” She shrugged again. “Implied it hadn’t happened for a while.”

Buffy’s eyes widened. Her whole body felt scarlet with overheated blood. Off her look, Faith said, “Relax, B. He didn’t go into deets. Readin’ the subtext here.”

“Right. Uh…” her brain shorted out. “So… what _did_ he say? As in, actual words? No subtext.”

Faith chuckled to herself. “It’s fun to see you all…” she paused and gestured around, as if searching for the right word. “Teenage and hormonal, I guess. Bein’ around the potentials must be rubbing off on you.”

Buffy grit her teeth, frustrated she still wasn’t getting a real answer. Before she even thought about asking again, Faith went on to say, “I don’t see why you’re giving me the third degree. You clearly know more than me what it’s all about. If you really wanna know what Spike thinks, maybe ask him. You’re a big girl. Just answer one of my questions first: whatever you’ve got goin’ on, is he off limits?”

After some initial hesitation, Buffy said, “Yes.”

“Cool,” said Faith. “Message received. It’s just, does he know that? Like, are you saying yes because you’re actually together or because you just don’t want me to have him, because he didn’t seem so confident about your togetherness.”

Buffy floundered. By the time she finally came up with the incredibly original retort of, ‘it’s complicated,’ she and Faith stumbled on their bringer and got the intel they needed. All conversation shifted back to that of death and destruction the whole way home.

Back in the house, Buffy explained her plan: to attack to the vineyard. Faith was silent, happy to keep her head down and follow orders, but everyone else not so much. Objections from the potentials, Buffy could handle, but Giles outwardly questioning her was something else.

“Could we talk, maybe? Elsewhere?”

He nodded and followed her out into the front yard. It was one of the few places where there wouldn’t be a host of eavesdroppers but was still close by enough that they could rush back in, if needed.

“Look,” began Buffy. “I get that you don’t agree with me on this, but if we want the girls not to lose confidence, we can’t be fighting in front of them.”

Giles pursed his lips. “Be that as it may, I don’t think–”

“Why can’t you just trust me?” demanded Buffy, her calm rationale having quickly reached its limit.

“I do trust you,” Giles said after a moment. “I just worry. Things have never been so…”

“Screwed?”

“I was going to say treacherous, but…” he trailed off again, smiling this time. “You know, maybe I’m too old for this. The more missions there are, the worse they seem to become, and the more I…” he sighed. “I’m scared Buffy, but you’re right. I shouldn’t let that guide me. There have been times I’ve doubted you in the past, but I’ve never been left disappointed.”

Buffy’s shoulders slumped, the tension going right out of them. “Oh, I don’t know about that.”

“I’m not saying there haven’t been mistakes,” said Giles. “To err is human. In that respect, you’re as mortal as the rest of us, but you have strength that many others can only aspire to. When it comes down to it, you have always done what needed to be done.”

“Like killing Angel,” said Buffy.

“Like that,” he affirmed.

“Spike isn’t Angel, Giles.”

He exhaled heavily, resigned. “I don’t trust him, but it’s clear you’re not going to budge on this so I won’t be one to divide loyalties further.”

Buffy blinked at him. “Does this mean–” she was scared to think it.

“It means I trust you, and I support you. If that also means fighting alongside Spike, then so be it.”

Buffy threw her arms around him, relieved that at least one of her battles was finally done. “Thank you, Giles.”

He smiled, then winced. Buffy had to let him go.

“Sorry. Slayer strength.”

“I do suppose that’s one thing you don’t need to be mindful of, given your choice of paramour.”

For the second time that day, Buffy blushed beetroot. She’d just been looking for Giles’ blessing in having Spike on the team; reassurances that no-one was gonna get distracted fighting among themselves while facing off against the big bad, but again and again conversations kept coming back to her and Spike being more than allies.

Given her chat with Giles, she felt a little better about her plan to invite Spike back to her bed again that night – to sleep without judgment and sly looks, at least from her friends – but those thoughts were dashed on the next breath when Giles told her Spike had gone on a mission with Andrew.

The disappointment she felt was telling, even for big-denial-Buffy. In the morning, the gang would break out the big guns and storm the vineyard. After that, she hoped she had a honey to come home to. The bed seemed too big without him.


	3. Xander/Willow

The day had started well enough, considering. Buffy’s speech wasn’t really received any better than any of her previous ones, but Xander stepped up and got all the potentials on board with The Plan.

The plan flew into action.

The plan swiftly fell apart. Just like everyone said it would.

A few hours ago, Xander was singing Buffy’s praises and now here he was in a hospital bed, half blind. Some of the girls were dead.

Buffy had advised the potentials, way back when, that if your gut told you to run, you should run – gain higher ground and make the fight your own – but right now Buffy’s gut was telling her to flee the country and she was ignoring it. This wasn’t battle. This was worse.

“Hey, Xand.” She tried to sounder chipper then immediately regretted it. _You’d think I’d be better with death and destruction, after everything._ “Umm, the doctors? They said, uh, a bunch of medical stuff that seems to boil down to: you’ll have no lasting effects.” Her mouth went dry. “Apart from the obvious, a-and you’ll probably be okay to come home tonight.”

“Great,” he said, not looking at her. Buffy wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not, so did what she did best and moved the conversation onto more stable ground, thanking Willow for the files she and Giles had been able to gather about Caleb.

Willow forced a smile and pulled out a deck of cards, holding them tightly. “I brought… We could, you know… play.”

The catch in her throat almost undid Buffy, but she rooted her feet to the floor. “Xander, I’m sorry this happened.” He started making some jokes about being more suited to his Halloween pirate costume now, but she wouldn’t let him away with it. “Card games and levity aren’t helping here.”

That earned her a good, solid, one-eyed glare. “You wanna help? How about stop falling for traps. Like, every single time there’s a new big bad.”

Buffy braced herself. “You’re angry. Fine. I can handle that. Now we’re getting somewhere.”

“Please! Don’t try and therapize me. Like anger’s a better coping mechanism than jokes.”

“Guys,” said Willow. “Let’s not fight.”

“Why not?” said Buffy. “Getting things off our chest has gotta be a better plan than brushing it off or burying it down.”

Xander scoffed. “Right. Plans.”

“Guys,” Willow said again, but Buffy held up a hand.

“I’ve said I’m sorry you got hurt. Want me to do it again? I will. But I’m not sorry we stormed the vineyard.”

Both Willow and Xander tensed. Buffy held her ground. “It didn’t work out, but it needed to be done. I can’t just stop fighting when things get dangerous.”

“Buffy, that’s not–” Willow was actively crying now.

Buffy put a hand on her shoulder in a vain attempt to stabilize them both. “I love you guys. So much. And I hate that being in my life means you guys constantly have to fight. If you wanna walk away, I understand. I’ll still love you. You’ll still have done more for the Good Fight than most people will ever know. But if you stay, it’s because you chose it. You always knew the odds following me into battle.”

“Sure, the odds have always been against us,” said Xander, the raw emotion waning in his voice. “But we’ve always won before.”

“We might still win this,” said Buffy. “We may not. More people will die either way. Maybe one of you. This time tomorrow, I could be standing over either or both of your bodies, thinking about how a busted eye-socket suddenly doesn’t seem so bad.” They all winced but again she plowed on.

“I know that’s awful, but it’s true. These odds are like nothing we’ve faced before. Like I said, you can walk away now. There’d be no shame or judgment from me. A thousand times I’ve tried to shield you guys, or Giles, or Dawn, from battle and a thousand times you’ve stood by my side and fought anyway. Even when the odds suck; even when the plan sucks, or I’m being a bitch.” She shook her head and refocused. “The pep talk you gave the girls today meant a lot, Xand. But I understand if you’re done being a cheerleader for team Buffy.”

“I’m not done, okay? I’m tired. And, sure – yeah – angry. But you’re right.” He reached for her hand and held it. “We’re more than just fair-weather friends and we’re not going anywhere.”

Willow gathered them both up in a group hug. It felt so good, Buffy could barely believe she’d ever wanted to be anywhere else.

“I should rest,” said Xander. “Get as much as I can before heading back to the Summers house of no sleep.”

Buffy smiled. “We are pretty much at capacity.”

“Capacity was fifteen teenagers ago,” said Willow teasingly. “I’ll head back with you, get some of them working on the files.” She turned to Xander. “You’ll be okay?”

He nodded. “I’ll give you a call when I’m ready for discharge. No point you sitting here ‘till then.”

Buffy and Willow set out after another Xander hug each. It had gotten dark at some point while they were inside the hospital.

“Crazy how quickly the days are going, right?”

Willow nodded. “I kinda want it all to go by in a rush, so we’re just on the other side already, but that’s assuming we make it. If these are our last few days alive, we should probably try and draw them out, y’know?”

“Yeah,” said Buffy. “I know.” They walked a little way in silence, then she asked about Kennedy. “Things are good?”

“They are,” said Willow. “I didn’t think it would happen. Least of all now, but life keeps on with the wacky situations.”

“Totally,” agreed Buffy. Once upon a time, she hadn’t thought she’s love again after Angel. _Now look at me._

As if reading her mind, Willow asked, “How’re things with Spike?”

Buffy sighed. “The amount of times I’ve been asked that question, you would think I’d have an answer by now.”

“Well,” said Willow. “Why don’tcha?”

Buffy didn’t know how to reply so said nothing.

“I get it,” Willow continued after a second.

“You do? Can you explain it to me?”

Willow smiled. “Okay, so, you’re scared.”

“Oooh, yep. I knew that part.”

“I’m serious,” said Willow.

“So am I. I’m well aware of the fear, and admitting to it and everything – to multiple people – that’s gotta count as some kinda progress, right?”

Willow gave her a look.

“Okay, so I’m lame.”

“Not lame,” said Willow. “Just maybe in need a little pep talk.”

“Or a big one,” said Buffy.

“Or a big one,” allowed Willow. “I think you already know what you gotta do. You just gotta, y’know, do it.”

“Isn’t that the hard part?”

She bumped her elbow. “Well, duh.”

Buffy laughed but still wasn’t feeling too confident.

Again, Willow pressed on. “You know what issues me and Kennedy had. Tara between us, and Warren, and me not wanting to trust myself.”

“How do you get past it all?”

“Honestly? Kennedy kept pushing me. Which is annoying and probably not what you’re supposed to do with a scared, guilty, grieving person but it worked and I’m glad she did. Because you can’t put life on hold, you know? Not forever.”

“Right,” said Buffy. “Gotta go after that fish of the day.” She considered it only to find herself more depressed. “Spike’s not gonna push me on this. Not now. What are my other options?”

“Well,” said Willow, “If that statement is any indication, you want to be pushed. Maybe tell him that?”

Buffy shook her head. “I don’t know, Will. I don’t even know why you’re pep-talking me. I thought you’d be against team Spike. Everyone else is.”

“Everyone like who?”

“Well, um…” Buffy stumbled. There had been Dawn, but that was resolved. Giles finally came to a place of grudging acceptance. And Xander was probably never going to approve but, given that he’d willingly die for her, he probably wasn’t going to cut her out of his life over who she shared a bed with. Who did that leave?

“Here’s maybe a better question,” said Willow. “Why does it matter? You’ve never needed your friend’s blessing to date people before. Or do anything, actually.”

Buffy opened her mouth to answer – to say that a blessing sure would be nice, anyway – but even as she thought it she realized that wasn’t it. She groaned. “Why do I do this? Tie myself up in knots and make everything so much harder than it needs to be?”

“See aforementioned ‘being scared’ theory,” said Willow.

“That never stopped me before.”

“Sure it did. You hesitated a little with Parker until he gave you that whole proactive, ‘live in the moment, make a decision’ speech; and you tried to break up with Riley before you ever really started dating. You stopped both those times, it was just that you got going again, and each time took you longer than the last. That’s understandable.”

Buffy smiled at her friend. “You’re kinda great at this, you know that, right?”

“Sure,” said Willow, beaming.

As they approached the house, Spike’s motorcycle in the driveway came into view. Buffy’s heart sped up. She and Willow shared a look, then Willow went around the back way.

“Carpe diem,” she said to herself, opening the front door and walking directly into him.

Spike grinned. “Honey, you’re home.”

Buffy leaned into him, relieved to see him back and encouraged by his welcome. He stiffened but let her hold him, only stepping back when she tried for a kiss.


	4. Angel/Spike

She shouldn’t have been surprised by Spike’s reaction, and yet here she was, feeling a thousand shades of humiliated that he pulled away and was now eyeing her like he was scared and she was crazy. Which, maybe she was.

_There’s that urge to run away again._

“What’s up?” she asked, forcing herself into the conversation.

After the briefest of hesitations, Spike told her what he’d discovered on his mission: that it appeared she was right, Caleb did have something of hers and it was probably at the vineyard.

“Good to know, but that’s not what I’m talking about.”

He looked away.

“Spike? What is it?”

“Nothing. I just…” He sighed. “The other night… Just holdin’ you. I don’t know what it meant to you, but to me… it was everything, Buffy. I don’t want to move backwards again.”

“Right. With the kissing.”

His hands went deep inside his pockets. “Right.”

“Spike, I–” she began, but he shook his head.

“Let’s just leave it. Focus on the mission. It’s what matters, right?”

“Right,” she repeated, robot-like, when everything within her wanted to cry. _That can come later, Buffy. Fight now, be heartbroken later._

She moved back towards the door, Spike falling into step beside her.

“What are you doing?”

“Goin’ with. You’re headed back to the vineyard now, right?”

“I am. You’re not.”

“Buffy–”

“No. I’m going alone this time.”

“If this is because–”

“It’s not. Too many people got hurt last time.”

He pursed his lips but let the fight go. Buffy couldn’t help but feel disappointed. She focused all of her energy into fighting Caleb, using evasive moves to first get past him, then pure intimidation once she’d prized her prize from solid rock.

Caleb backed away from the Slayer scythe, but not for long. His super strength was no match for the mystical power of Buffy’s new weapon. She cut through him like a hot knife through butter and was feeling pretty good about herself when she stepped back into the night and directly into Angel.

He gestured to the blood on her blade. “I heard you were in need of a little help, but I guess not.”

“I’m managing,” said Buffy, rolling with his re-appearance best she could. “What about you? More visions from the Powers?”

“No, actually…” He indicated a folder he was carrying. “It’s a long story.”

Buffy nodded. It was always a long story. Shame he never stayed around long enough to explain any of them. “So… that’s for me?”

“Yeah,” he said, still not handing it over. “Buffy–”

She sighed. “Just spit it out. I’ve had more than enough awkward pauses for one day.”

He frowned. “Is there a reason you smell like Spike?”

Buffy’s nose curled up. “Why is everyone obsessed with Spike-sniffage? It’s totally icky. Not that _he’s_ icky, I just mean– smelling people? Totally weird.”

Angel gave her an odd look and she shook her head. “Nevermind.”

“So, are you in love with him?” asked Angel.

Buffy laughed, but it was mirthless. “Just where do you get off, appearing out of nowhere with zero heads-up to start asking about my personal life?”

“That’s not an answer, Buffy.”

“So? Is it your business?” she countered, only to raise a hand. “You know what? I keep avoiding that question and I’m as sick of it as everyone else. Yes, Angel, I love Spike. I love him a lot and it terrifies me, but that doesn’t make it any less true.”

“Oh.”

“Stop with the wounded puppy-dog look.”

He glared. “I’m allowed to be upset about this.”

“Are you?” demanded Buffy. “Something else I realized is that you and I –like a lot of my friends, actually – are kinda greedy. We don’t wanna choose between one thing or another, we want both. You think you can break up with me and leave town but still have input in my life and walk back into it any time you want. I throw Spike a million mixed signals, pulling him close then holding him at arm’s length and getting tetchy when he gets too involved or wants to hold back. It’s as bad as when Willow was happy with Oz but still wanted Xander all to herself, or how Xander jilted Anya but still expected them to date. Where the hell did we learn we could get away with that?”

Angel floundered at the sudden rant, his features clouded. “Who’s Anya?”

“Don’t! Don’t do that! You know what I’m saying.”

He set his jaw. “So maybe I do.”

Buffy shook her head. “I am sick of maybes. Thank you for whatever intel you brought. Thanks for the offer of being in this fight, but I’m going into this with people by my side who never left. That’s not your place anymore, Angel. I feel the need to apologize for that, but I won’t. It was your call.”

Angel didn’t say anything for a while. Buffy figured she stunned him to silence. She’d kinda stunned herself, too. For so long, so many unsaid things had built up with all of the people around her, and now that she’s started talking, it was like a flood she couldn’t stop.

“I think I’m impressed,” Angel said at last. “That was tough.”

Buffy shrugged. “It was honest. I grew up.”

“I can see that.” Finally, he handed over the documents and pulled an amulet from his pocket, explaining that it was for a champion. “You’re going to give it to him, aren’t you?”

“I really don’t know why you torture yourself with these questions,” said Buffy. “But yes, if Spike is willing to wear it, it’s his.”

It looked like Angel wanted to argue, but he held himself back. “I guess I’ll start working on a second front.”

Buffy smiled and thanked him. No sooner had he disappeared into the shadows than Spike walked out of them from the other direction. Suddenly, it was like all of the cool confidence she had a second before just evaporated. She opened her mouth to speak – to ask him how long he’d been there, or how much he’d heard – when he leaned in close and captured her lips with his own.

She melted against him, eventually having to pull back for air.

“Spike, I–”

“Tell me you meant it.” His eyes were wild. Pleading.

“I do,” said Buffy. “I–”

He caught her up in another kiss. The whole world turned upside down and she didn’t give a damn so long as he was holding her up. She was panting. They both were.

“I’m sorry. For before. I thought–”

“I know,” said Buffy. “I shouldn’t have. Not without telling you first.”

He smiled so wide. “We’ve not always been so good at the talking thing, eh, luv?”

“Words hard,” affirmed Buffy.

He chuckled. “Well, you are quite the action girl.”

She nodded. “Speaking of which…” she dangled the chain of the amulet in front of him and gave a questioning look.

He bowed his head and she slipped it over, not able to resist placing a kiss on his cheek. Touched beyond words, Spike swept her up in his arms. Before they got too carried away, though, they headed back to the house, hand-in-hand.

“So, I’ve decided something,” Buffy said conversationally.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. This fight. I’m done waiting for it.”

He tilted his head. “…meaning?”

“Meaning, Caleb’s dead and we’ve got some info and a shiny new weapon. The best we can do now is rush the First before it’s ready. In the morning, we’ll mount up; take all the girls to the school.”

“So that’s it,” said Spike. “It all comes down to this.”

“Yep,” said Buffy. “And tonight…” she trailed off.

“Tonight?” Spike questioned.

She squeezed his hand tighter. “Whatever happens, you and me, we’re coming out of this. Together.”

“Together,” he agreed, pulling her in for another kiss.

“I love you, Spike.”


End file.
